How to use Social Media when you're a Grandma
Socializing can be hard, especially when you hate other people. But in this grand year of 2016, it is in your best interest to have a social media presence, especially when you are a Grandma.
Why? The Internet is forever. Tweets never go away. Emails are saved by the government. And Facebook is the new diary, where we chronicle our every breath, step, thought, and well-curated photo.
I say this not to scare you into an internet-free hole in the ground, for that is no way to live life! Rather, I hope to encourage you to take advantage of the long-lasting nature of the world wide web and create a legacy that will, without a doubt, out live you, unless your last name is Tuck, in which case you are everlasting (good for you, Mr. Tuck).
How, then, can you create a perfect internet presence? Follow my steps, below, and do not dare deviate even for a second from my rules, or I'll know and my disappointment in you will not easily fade.
BE FUNNY (ON PURPOSE)
The biggest mistake Grandmas make on the Internet is accidentally being humorous. The only thing worse than being laughed at, not with, is waiting in line for a bagel on Sunday morning only to find out that the person ahead of you bought the last egg bagel. Bitch.
The only way to guarantee you'll avoid accidental jokes is if you make intentional ones. Predetermine what kind of jokes you want to make. Topical? Ironic? Punny? Choose your own adventure! But stick with one genre, at least to start, because that will help with your persona-crafting.
KEEP IT QUICK
No one likes a rambling Sam. Except for me! I love you, Sam! But on the Internet, no one is patient. People scroll like there is no end to the content available to them (which is true). So get your joke out there and out there quick!
KNOW YOUR MEDIUM
Facebook is great for jokes to people who know you personally. Instagram is great for the photo-based joke. Twitter is home to the one-liner. Familiarize yourself with the options at your disposal and act accordingly.
And with the conclusion of these steps, my friends, I am proud to announce that I have just joined Snapchat. Please find me there so I can send you well-crafted jokes that are sure to tickle your toes!