Why you should acquire a dog when you're a Grandma.
Today is National Puppy Day. Excuse me, #NationalPuppyDay. And a momentous day it is! Nearly two years ago, I acquired a pup named Moses. Moses is small (13.8 pounds), black (except for a white beard and stripe down his belly), and just smart enough. He knows how to pose for photos and sit upon command, but he definitely won't remember you the first eight times you meet him.
Despite his dumbs, Moses has taught me a lot. He has taught me that I can love something that doesn't laugh at my incredible sense of humor. He has taught me that yawning without covering your mouth is rude, even if you don't have the flexibility to cover your mouth with your paw. And most importantly, he has taught me that dogs are the best I-must-stay-in accessory.
In the spirit of Moses, #NationalPuppyDay, and Grandmotherdom, please enjoy five reasons why dogs are better than cats when you're a Grandma:
DOGS HAVE BAD MEMORIES.
I am a good mother to Moses. Just ask me. I brush his teeth. I give him baths. I force him to do all the things he doesn't want to do, like go to the vet. And still, he loves me! This is because he very quickly forgets that I have caused him to experience any of the negative elements of his largely-enjoyable life.
Have to leave your dog alone for an hour so you can go get more toilet paper because he's taken what TP you had left and ripped it into 85 thousand little pieces? No problem! Upon your return, he won't be sure if you've been gone for ten minutes or ten days and either way will be happier to see you than your mother was when they ripped you from her body.
DOGS CAN ENTERTAIN THEMSELVES (AND YOU).
Cats are finicky animals. They need things to be exactly perfect, or they throw a hissy fit. Plus, they're kind of boring. I once saw a cat sleep in a window of a pet shop in Williamsburg for several hours in a row. I don't know of anyone else that could do that.
Dogs, on the other hand, will happily live with an old plastic bottle as their only toy. They find great joy in cardboard boxes and they even can play fetch with themselves, which is not only entertaining to them but also to you.
DOGS LOVE EVERYONE ALWAYS.
When I went to take a photo of Moses for this post, he decided to befriend the camera. That is how lovable dogs are.
DOGS HAVE PERSONALITIES.
I've met many a cat in my day, but not a single one has had a lasting impact on me, and I think it's because they seriously lack in personality. To be honest, I'm not sure if I've really met that many cats in my day; it could have been the same cat over and over again. Guess I'll never know!
Dogs, on the other paw (👈groan-worthy joke but it needed to be made), are hilarious. They have underbites and mimmic our facial expressions. They are willing to pee and poop in front of literally anyone. They're even funny when they're angry, as evidenced by this photo of Moses eating the base molding of my parents' house when I was away from him for two weeks.
DOGS NEED ATTENTION.
As a Grandma, the most IMPORTANT reason to get a dog is because they need you. We have bred these animals to be entirely useless without their human counterparts. Moses wouldn't last one day in the wild. But fortunately, he will never have to.
Therefore, dogs, unlike cats, provide the perfect excuse for leaving early and/or skipping an event altogether. You need to go home to walk the dog. You need to go home to feed the dog. You need to go home to make sure the dog didn't get stuck halfway up the stairs, again.
Go get a dog. Or borrow someone else's.